The Return
by kiwibrazilian89
Summary: Bella returns to Forks after breaking free of her codependent relationship with Edward, vowing never to need anyone again.  But a certain hotheaded werewolf might derail her plan. Unfortunately he's done something unforgivable.  Full summary inside.
1. Prologue

**Full Summary: When Bella returns to Forks after breaking free of her codependent and emotionally abusive relationship with Edward, she is determined to learn how to stand on her own two feet and vows never to need anyone again. But she soon discovers that it will be even harder than I expects, as her 3 years married to Edward without any visits to the people who once cared deeply about her has left her support network strained and damaged. One werewolf in particular throws a spanner in the works as she tries to develop her individual identity without depending on anyone. Although afraid to trust anyone again, and dealing with the repercussions of something so traumatic she is not sure she will ever be able to heal, she finds herself irresistibly drawn to Jacob Black. Unfortunately, he is no longer the same man she left behind. Her relationship with him is broken, but this time it is not purely her fault. Bella x Jacob.**

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize does not belong to me.**

**A/N This is all slowly being rewritten now that I have a chance to go into more depth instead of it just being the bare outlines of a plot. Starting with this chapter. For those of you who had already read it, there will be a few new layers added to the plot as it felt too one dimensional. :) Also: How does the whole beta thing work? I'm editing myself at the moment but I know there are mistakes I'm missing.  
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><p><strong>Jacob's POV<strong>

The only noise that came out of my mouth as I heard a knock at my door was a disgruntled groan. I haven't been sleeping well lately and being interrupted in the middle of my too short REM cycle by a loud banging has never been one of my favorite ways to wake up.

Nevertheless, I walked over to the door rubbing my eyes sleepily and pulled it open only to see the last person in the world I had expected, standing on my doorstep. Tear streaked mascara ran down her pale face and her arms were wrapped around her stomach as I shivered in the crisp early morning air. Her usually well tamed hair was sticking up in all directions and she had lost a lot of weight since I last saw her three years ago. I could not help but stare at her in shock.

She had left with that leech Edward after their wedding three years ago and as far as I had been aware she was supposed to be a vampire by now. And yet I could hear the unsteady beat of her heart racing as she stood in front of me. For once in my life my usual confidence deserted me and I was at a loss for words. I'm sure my face showed my confusion as I frowned at her, letting my eyes ask all the questions my mind was unable to form.

"Jake."

She spoke my name hesitantly and the spell that held me mesmerized was broken. All the familiar feelings of anger and betrayal came rushing back at the sound of her voice. I shook my head once and slammed the door in her face. She had no right to show up on my doorstep after 3 years and act like nothing had even happened.

Through the door I heard her breath catch as she gasped for air. I had made her cry. Sometimes the highly sensitive werewolf hearing really does a number on a guy. I could hear her sobbing as she walked back to her car.

As soon as she drove away my legs gave way and I slid down the door breathing heavily. I had so many questions for her but I was terrified of what the answers might be. She had hurt me beyond belief when she chose Edward, and it had taken all the strength I had to piece myself back together. I could not risk allowing her back into my life to break my heart again.

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><p><strong>Bella's POV - The night before<br>**

I left him. I left Edward. I had to. I had gotten into my car and driven all night, eventually finding myself at the La Push Reservation, almost without realizing where I was heading. But as soon as I got there I knew that there was only one person I truly wanted to talk to. Jacob Black. My one time best friend and the person who knew me better than anyone else. Being around him was as easy as breathing. Or at least it had been before I broke his heart into tiny pieces. My only hope had been that he would be able to forgive me. It would have been nice to know there was one person on my side as I tried to rediscover my self identity.

Clearly I would not be able to count on him to be that person though.

I had known coming back to Forks would be complicated, and I realized that I had not left on good terms with Jacob Black. But I had thought that three years would have been long enough for him to move on and that maybe we would be able to repair our friendship, especially considering that I'm still human. The truth is that right now I need all the friends I have. He slammed the door in my face. Clearly, there are some wounds which time alone can not heal. I probably shouldn't be surprised at his reaction.

My relationship with Edward had deteriorated rapidly after the wedding. The honeymoon had been a disaster and after the first night Edward had built up a wall around himself, refusing to allow any physical contact.

That did not stop me from becoming pregnant with his half-vampire baby. It grew so quickly and Carlisle soon informed me that it was incompatible with my body. That no matter how much I wanted the baby my body was incapable of providing it with the environment required to carry it to full term.

I miscarried 3 months later, and a piece of me died with the life that had been growing within me. I lost the ability to feel, my emotions shut down. It was too much.

It broke me. To lose something that had been so precious to me. At the beginning of our marriage I had thought that Edward would be all I would ever want. The miscarriage made me realize that more than living forever, I wanted to live fully, abundantly. And I wanted to have the chance to have a baby, to create a family. I would not be able to do that as a vampire. As the months went by I slowly realized that there are some events in life which damage you in a way that cannot be fixed. The divorce rate among couples who have lost a child is sky high. I soon learned why.

We had moved to a freezing cold city in Alaska and although I enjoyed my university studies, I soon realized that Edward was holding onto me far too tightly. He had serious insecurities about not being human, which he tried to make up for by having someone to control - me. He made me move away from my family and friends which was only the first step in isolating me. I soon found that anytime I began to get too close to anyone else, Edward would decide it was unsafe to stay in the area any longer and move us to a new city. I fell into a deep depression born of intense loneliness. As he constantly reminded me any time I tried to protest, I had chosen this life. The guilt of knowing that this life had been my own choice caused me to turn to him for comfort instead of calling my family back home. I did not want them to see how weak I had become, and I was too ashamed to beg for them to forgive me for leaving them and not coming back to visit even once in three years.

I had avoided going back because I was afraid that if Edward and I returned to Forks, my friends and family would be able to see what a sham our marriage was.

There had been a number of arguments over the years, but the times I had tried to leave Edward in frustration at my lack of control over my own life, he had convinced me that I was not thinking straight, that everything would be okay. He had whispered that he loved me more than life itself and that he would do anything to make me happy. I still loved him in spite of everything and never pulled together the strength to follow through on my plans to leave. Not to mention that I owned nothing on my own. All the money was in his name. I had burnt all my bridges with my friends back in Forks and there was a gaping distance between me and Charlie as he had never approved of my marriage to Edward. Renee was still constantly on the move with her baseball player husband, and my relationship with my mother had always been more of a friendship than a parent child dynamic. As much as I loved her, I could not rely on my flighty mother for anything.

It was a psychology general education class at my university that taught me the definition of a codependent and emotionally abusive relationship. The realization of how unhealthy my relationship with Edward had become hit me right in the gut and I ran out of the classroom struggling to breathe.

I finally realized I could not continue in this relationship. I had agreed early on in their marriage, when I first started having second thoughts, that the change would happen after college graduation instead of after high school - and now I was relieved beyond measure that I had remained human.

I had gone home and looked stood in front of Edward frowning at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes.

"Edward, I can't do this anymore. I'm not happy, and the relationship dynamic between us isn't healthy. You always said that if I wanted to choose to live a human life you would give me that choice. If you truly love me I'm asking you to let me go."

"Bella, don't do this. I love you and I know that you still love me, you're just depressed because of the miscarriage and you never really dealt with it. Let's take a trip to Europe and relax a bit instead." I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the battle ahead.

"This isn't something a trip to Europe will fix Edward. I'm damaged and I can't move on as long as I stay with you. You aren't good for me anymore. You tried to tell me that so many times when we first started dating, I should have realized earlier. I'm not in love with you anymore, I just stay because I need you. I'm scared of what my life would be like without you and I don't know how to live without depending on you. I need to learn how to stand on my own feet and rebuild my life from scratch. The miscarriage was about more than just losing a baby. It was about me realising that I want more from my life than immortality. You aren't letting me move on. Can't you see how debilitating that is to me?" My voice had pleaded for him to understand.

"Bella, look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore." I didn't dare to look up at him, knowing I would be pulled into the depths of his eyes. I wondered just how often he had compelled me to see things his way against my will and without my knowledge. Instead I mumbled to the ground quietly.

"No, Edward its over. You need to let me go." I spoke with more conviction this time, my voice growing stronger as I finally put the emotions which had been building for 3 years into words. Edward's eyes turned desperate as he pulled my chin up to look at him. His musical voice was just as coaxing and persuasive as always but this time I threw up every wall I had to resist him.

"You're my whole life Bella. I can't just give up on that and let you go. I can't live without you. We can change the dynamic between us. I can help you heal from the miscarriage. I promise I'll work harder to support your dreams and individuality. But you can't just give up on us because you are scared that our relationship isn't perfect. It takes time and effort and there's always things to work on. We can fix this." His desperation was tainted by the usual manipulative guilt. But I couldn't be responsible for his emotional state anymore. I had stayed for so long, afraid of what measures he would resort to if I left him.

"No Edward, we can't. I've lost my identity by being married to you. The miscarriage destroyed any emotions I had. I can't feel anymore and it s cares me. I can't get them back if I stay in this relationship. I need this to be over." As I spoke the words my heart started to solidify into a cold hard lump in my chest. I shut out my thoughts, knowing that if I didn't leave now I would never be able to get out of this relationship.

"It's not that easy Bella, you can't just walk out on this marriage. You'll lose the protection of my family and be alone and vulnerable. It's not safe for you without us. The Volturi will have direct access to you." Had he just threatened me? That was what it had sounded like. He was definitely not going to make this easy.

"I have werewolf friends, they'll protect me. And I'll only lose the protection of your family if you force them to take sides. Please don't make them stop protecting me Edward. If you respected and loved me at all you wouldn't try to force me to stay with you out of fear." By this point I was beginning to feel angry. Anger. The only emotion I could still feel. How dare he try to manipulate me like this. I had had enough.

"Oh so this is about Jacob. Of course. Typical. Fine. If you can't stay away from that mangy mutt then go, I don't want anyone so pathetic and weak in my life anyway." His words stung. He had never been so maliciously cutting in the way he spoke to me before. He had always pleaded, coddled, and charmed me into doing what he wanted.

Then again, I had never resisted him this strongly before.

"This is not about Jacob. It's about me, and what I need and want from my life, which really doesn't seem to matter to you. If it did you would let me go without the guilt tripping. I'm done Edward, don't come after me." I was SO done.

I took off the overly sparkly wedding ring he had given to me and put it on the table.

"I want a divorce"

"Please don't do this Bella. You're all that keeps me human."

"You aren't human Edward. You're a vampire. If you were human our baby wouldn't have died. I have to go." My voice caught and I turned to walk away before I fell apart.

Edward sighed and looked at me with the pain of centuries showing on his face as I turned and fled.

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><p><strong>Back to the Present<strong>

I pulled my thoughts back into control, I was sitting my car idling outside Jake's house and I couldn't stay there crying all day. I turned the ignition and took off.

As I drove away from the reservation I realized that I probably should not have gone to see Jake. I was not thinking straight. Hadn't the point of leaving Edward been because I was too co-dependent and incapable of managing my own emotions without a guy there to make me feel better all the time? I needed to spend some time sorting my self out before I could open up the Pandora's box which was my friendship with Jacob. It was time to work through my own emotions, learn to stand on my own two feet, and put my almost complete English Literature degree to good use. Maybe I would write a book.

While I was with Edward I had always turned to self destructive ways to manage my loneliness and depression. Although I had never again resorted to the extremes of the time when Edward left me, and there had been no more reckless cliff diving, I had internalized the feeling of never measuring up to my perfect husband, and my self worth was in tatters. Edward had been perfect and I was the weak one who constantly needed to be pieced back together. I had not realized until recently that there was another way to live within a relationship.

So as much as it hurts right now, Jake's refusal to speak to me may be a blessing in disguise. I can't have a healthy friendship with him until I'm able to manage myself. I need to learn how to feel again in a healthy way. As much as it scares me. The reason my emotions shut down after I lost my baby was because they were too much for me to bear. I knew that I would never be able to experience true love or joy again until I was strong enough to face the depth of brokennness that losing my baby had caused. Shutting out painful emotions also shuts out joy. Jake shouldn't have to deal with me until I am strong enough to be the girl he wants and needs.

For now it's better that I stay away from him.

I continued on to Charlie's house, knocked on the door, and immediately regretted staying away so long when I saw my dad's look of joy at my return. I had barely even phoned him during that time, not wanting him to know what had happened, or hear in my voice how damaged I was. Dropping my suitcases on the ground I ran towards him and gave him an awkward hug. Usually neither of us are very demonstrative but three years was a long time, and I had not realized until this moment how much I had missed having my dad around.

"Hi Dad." I swear his eyes were almost glistening with tears. But that would be far too uncharacteristic for the police chief so I pushed the thought aside.

"Bells, it's so good to see you." He picked up my bags to carry them inside and I smiled back at him.

"Yeah you too. I was wondering if...can I stay a while." He raised an eyebrow at me in disbelief.

"Are you kidding, Bells I'm your dad, you know you can always stay as long as you like, I haven't changed your room at all since you left, its all right there for you."

For the first time since making the decision to leave Edward, I felt safe and loved. I could do this. I would find a way.


	2. Settling in

**A/N This is all in the process of being rewritten with the introduction of a new character so if you have already read this you may want to go back and skim to keep up with the changes :). Love reviews!  
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**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.**

**Jacob's POV**

Seeing Bella on my doorstep had sent me into a tailspin. For the rest of the day I wandered around in a daze. The cars I was working on ended up with parts in the wrong places, a few holes may have been punched in walls, and my pack had kept far away from me after I picked a fight with Paul over a breakfast muffin.

I had been a wreck when she left - I thought she was worse than dead and had done whatever I could to move on. I made some choices I would regret for the rest of my life in the process. I wanted to talk to her so badly, but I was afraid that if she ever found out who I had been in her absence she would hate me. Not that I could blame her. I had let the wolf take over completely. Even my own pack was disgusted with me. I was not safe to be around, and I was irreparably damaged.

It was easier with her at a distance, I didn't have to worry about what she thought of me. So I kept away, hearing only snippets about her from my pack and my dad.

I honestly had no idea how I would react when I finally had to face her. Because if I was completely honest with myself, in spite of all the jagged pieces she had left my heart in, I was just as in love with her as I had been before she left. Unfortunately I no longer deserved her. I had become the one thing she would never be able to forgive me for being. Hell, I still couldn't forgive myself for my actions.

My pack had done what they could to put me back together, Leah most of all. She had been there for me when everyone else had given up. But things didn't truly start to improve until I met Nayeli.

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><p><strong>JPOV Flashback<strong>

I met her when I was on patrol, suddenly I could hear the thoughts of an unfamiliar werewolf. Which was unusual in and of itself because usually it was only possible to hear thoughts from wolves within your own pack. Except for in Alpha to Alpha communication.

Oh wait. Female Alpha's? No flipping way.

I could hear Leah's voice buzzing in my head as she phased in.

_"Girl Alpha? Oh hell YES! This is gonna make all those testosterone driven guys in the pack livid." _I rolled my eyes. Leah was going to be insufferable after this. I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. But this girl was on our land and I needed to know why, so I opened up the alpha connection and asked her.

_"This land belongs to our tribe, what do you want?_" I was used to being respected and obeyed, certainly not openly sassed. So it shocked me to my core when she replied flippantly, irreverently.

_"So territorial, goodness. So, what, a girl can't come visit on a diplomatic trip from another tribe without having you jump down her throat?" _There was a definite giggle in her voice. I could hear the teasing in her tone and wanted nothing more than to tear her to pieces for not respecting me. But I'd been brought up to never hit a woman and that training went deep. So instead I growled back at her and tried to regain some semblance of control.

_"Diplomatic trip? For what reason?_" I swear she laughed at me. How dare she.

_"Are you going to invite me over for dinner so we can talk about it? It's really something I would prefer to share with the whole pack in a civilized manner. And I've been traveling all day, it's only polite to offer a girl some food." _It was going to be a long night. She was so arrogant and self assured. If I wasn't so annoyed at her lack of respect for me I would probably find it hot.

_"Fine. I'll see you at Sam and Emily's at 6 sharp"_ I sent her an image of where it was located and ran back to get ready for dinner.

Meeting her that night was the first time I'd felt a glimmer of hope that life could be worth living without Bella.

She walked into Sam's house, shiny hair flowing gracefully down her back, eyes full of mischief and barely repressed laughter. Her irresistably long legs were impossible to look away from, except to look at the rest of her body. She was perfect. From head to toe she looked as if she had just stepped out of the pages of a magazine.

Nayeli was without a doubt the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. My feelings for Bella didn't go away, the pain did not leave. But I began to realize that it was possible to compartmentalize my heart, to find room to begin to build a new life. The old Jacob had died when Bella married Edward. Nayeli gave me a chance to begin to live again.

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><p><strong>Bella's POV<strong>

One of my favorite things about Charlie was that he never hovered. I had been home for three days and I knew he was dying of curiosity as to what had brought me me here but he would wait for me to bring it up. In the meantime I had a list of loose ends to tie up, relationships to repair, jobs to apply for, and boxes to unpack. I had spent the past few years following Edward around the world aimlessly - he had been the only constant in my life. Somehow I had managed to keep up with my studies, mainly because my relationship with Edward had been so strained that I had buried myself in schoolwork to avoid tense conversations. My first task was to enroll for online courses to finish off my college degree. I only had two left.

Although I had always been introverted, over the past few years I had completely withdrawn into myself. I had always had to keep too many secrets from anyone with whom I began to develop a friendship. Between my broken marriage, the miscarriage, and the constant threat of the Volturi hanging over my head, it had never been safe to form attachments too deep. I wasn't sure I had enough emotions left to be able to.

As a result I was no longer sure how to develop and maintain any healthy close relationships. For that matter, no one in their right mind would want to deal with the issues of someone as messed up as I had become. The constant stress from my miscarriage and unhealthy marriage had left me with frequent nightmares and panic attacks. Sometimes I would find myself beginning to hyperventilate out of the blue. My palms would begin to sweat, my vision would blur, and my chest would constrict until I got myself out of whichever situation I was in and away from people. The panic attacks had been particularly bad during my last few months with Edward, but leaving him did not seem to have stopped them.

I added setting up an appointment with a therapist to my list of things to do. I wasn't sure exactly how much I could tell them without seeming insane, but at the very least they could help me work through my feelings over losing the baby and leaving Edward.

The thought of working through those emotions was terrifying to me. I had survived the past few days by rolling my emotions into a tight little ball and building a fortress around my heart. As long as I stayed busy I could push the emotions to the side. However, as I knew from the time that Edward had left me, unless I actively dealt with those emotions soon, I would begin to lose control of my mind and my emotions. The thought of the hallucinations of Edward I had had the last time made me shudder. I had completely fallen apart.

I would be stronger this time, I knew I could survive this, and I would find healthy coping mechanisms instead of self-destructive ones. This time I was alone by choice. I had vowed to learn to stand on my own two feet, and I refused to ever allow myself to need a man to keep me stable again. I would find a way to be complete in and of myself. I needed to rebuild my life from the ground up. I would find a way.

As I finished unpacking the belongings which had fit into the back of my car, I sank onto my bed in exhaustion. Charlie knocked on my door and came in to see how I was doing.

"Hey Bella, I'm heading down to the reservation to go fishing with Billy, do you want to come hang out with the kids on the Rez?" That would mean Jacob. I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. It was too soon, and I wasn't yet strong enough. Although I did miss him far more than I would ever admit to anyone.

"You know what; I noticed that the fridge is devoid of anything with nutritional value, I think I'll spend the day doing grocery shopping and errands." Reasonable, rational way for me to spend my time. My dad couldn't argue with that one. The fridge did need food.

"You can't avoid Jake forever you know, it's a small town." Apparently he had grown more perceptive in my absence. I was aware that I would eventually see Jake, but there was no reason for it to be today. If I was honest with myself, I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about him at the moment; my emotions were too numb for me to know. There was a small voice at the back of my mind insisting that Jacob was the one person in the world who I could trust enough to talk to about everything that had happened.

"I'm not avoiding him Dad; I just need to get myself back on my feet first before I'll be ready to talk to him. There's a lot of baggage there and I'm not strong enough to deal with it yet." Charlie shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked at me uncertainly for a moment before nodding.

"Alright, it's up to you. I'll be back later on this afternoon." I looked him in the eyes steadily and smiled slightly to convince him that I would be okay.

"Yep. See you later." Charlie left and shut the door behind him. When I heard his car drive off I finally allowed myself to fall apart. The emotions which I had not been able to feel for the past three years finally made their way to the surface. Leaving Edward and being rejected by Jake had been the drop of water which broke the dam. Suddenly every emotions I had suppressed whether consciously or unintentionally for so long were flooding through me, overwhelming me, leaving me torn and ragged. The pain that came was in waves so strong I felt like it was going to rip me apart. I curled up in fetal position on my bed and wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together as gasping, painful, breaths ripped through me. It was unbearable pain. In the past I would have called Jacob, but I knew that if I began that pattern with him again now, my relationship with him would end up the same way my relationship with Edward had. I used to think that Jacob was the one person who could make me feel better, could heal my broken parts. But I realized now that he could only ever patch it up and hide it. I was the only one who could truly work through my emotions.

So I allowed myself to cry, knowing that I could not begin healing until I allowed myself to feel the pain. I cried until I had no tears left and the pain settled into a dull ache. Breathing deeply to calm myself I felt my mind firmly resolve to make it through this.. I had faced the possibility to becoming a vampire and losing life and it had made me realize how much I wanted to live a full human life, complete with all the pain and joy involved. Now I just had to find a way to do that. My shuddering breathes slowly evened out as I continued to force myself to breathe deeply.

Once I had myself collected I decided to call up Angela and see if I could reinstate our friendship. From what I had heard Angela was now happily married to Ben. The reason I had always kept my distance from Angela in the past had been because I was so much more perceptive than Jess and that had scared me. I recognized that I had been living in a world of denial while I was with Edward, and the thought of Angela prying into my feelings for him had always been threatening. Now however, I wanted nothing more than to talk to someone who I knew would ask direct questions and expect nothing less than authentic answers. I needed to learn to relate to normal human beings again, and Angela was my first step.

I picked up the phone and began to dial, "Angela? It's Bella. Are you busy?"


	3. Why I left Edward

**A/N I'm trying to add more layers to this so let me know what you think of the changes if you had read the previous version - and just let me know what you think in general if you are new - good, bad, ugly, constructive criticism - best way to grow! :)  
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**Bella's POV**

Everyday grows harder instead of easier. I had cut off all connections when I left Forks, thinking it would be easier when I changed. But now I find myself wandering aimlessly. This place I once called home feels foreign to me. Whereas I was once a part of the tapestry of the town, now I'm merely tolerated by virtue of being the chief's daughter. All the people I went to high school with have moved on to the next phase of their lives. Either they are married or they left Forks to search for greater opportunities in the big cities. I've seen and experienced so much in the last 3 years, my marriage was not terrible in every way. Edward and I used to go to romantic restaurants in Paris, we'd visit museums in London, and climb mountains in remote locations where it was safe for him to sparkle without fear of other human's seeing him.

But now, this place I once called home brings back nothing but broken memories. Every street I walk along is a memory I once shared with either Jacob or Edward, and I've lost both of them through my own choices.

I'm proud of myself for being strong enough to leave Edward. I know it was the right thing to do, and that it was what I needed to do. I know that I will be okay eventually, that I will survive in spite of the pain and heartbreak. But for the time being it hurts. I loved him. So deeply that I threw away everything else in my life to be with him. Those feelings don't disappear overnight just because the relationship is unhealthy. The miscarriage may have been the death bell for our relationship but when I allow myself to truly feel the emotions related to it, I find that I also never allowed myself to grieve over the loss of my idealistic version of who I thought Edward was. I had once thought he was perfect. It hurts to realize that fairy tales aren't real, that no man is perfect, and that you have to rescue yourself. There is no such thing as a knight in shining armor. The whole concept is flawed.

I am working through my emotions slowly. I keep reminding myself that no matter how bad the pain gets, I am strong enough to stand on my own. I may be broken, but I will put myself back together over time, no matter how long it takes. And I will not let myself need anyone else. I feel stronger within myself already. I haven't been crying as often. I mean, nights are still hard but I'm spending my days making plans for for my new life. Instead of focusing on my past like I used to, I'm figuring out who I am, and who I want to be, then making plans to become that person and following through on them.

Lunch with Angela today was fun. I always used to be so self-centered; I didn't even realize how unbalanced my friendships were. I used to be so wrapped up in myself that I didn't really process anything my friends said about their own lives. I lived in crisis mode all the time, always preoccupied about something going wrong. I'm determined not to live like that anymore, I'm going to seize every moment of life and treat it as precious. When I think about how close I came to throwing it away, I realize how privileged I am to have this second chance. I'm determined not to waste it.

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><p><strong>BPOV Flashback<strong>

Angela and I met up at one of the many cafe's in Forks. It was a small, hole in the wall place with the most delicious hot chocolate and amazing toasted sandwiches. Comfort food. I didn't expect it to feel so great to see her, but apparently I had been even more lonely than I realized.

"Hey Bella!"

She waved me over to the table she had already chosen.

"Hey." I smiled at her, a genuine smile. One of the few I had managed to conjure up since my return to Forks. We ordered and made small talk until our food arrived,she told me about her life. Her and Ben are completely, head over heels in love. But it's in a good way. He encourages her dreams so much. She has started up her own business as a real estate agent, and he's an accountant for a non-profit organization. It's funny I never pictured him in a steady job like that; he was always joking and laughing at school. But it seems I'm not the only one who has grown up over the past few years. She looks amazing, she's filled out in all the right places, and she told me that she's 12 weeks pregnant. She hasn't started to show yet but she has this glow about her that is amazing to see.

I have to admit to complete and utter jealousy over her pregnancy. But I didn't get to dwell on it for long, because as soon as our food arrived, in true Angela style, she got straight to the point.

"Bella...as much as I'm really happy to hear from you, its completely unexpected. Is everything okay?" She looked at me with the perceptive look in her eyes that made me feel like she could actually see into my thoughts. Impossible, of course, but suddenly I felt a driving need to talk to someone, anyone, about everything.

"I...No, nothing is okay, my life is a complete mess." It was the first time I had been able to be that honest with anyone, even myself. My life was a disaster zone, admitting it was the next step in my healing process.

"Do you wanna tell me about it?" I just nodded and took a deep breath, wincing slightly as I realized she might not want me to burden her with all my drama.

"Yeah. How much time do you have? This might take a while." She just laughed at me.

"You have noticed that we live in Forks right? There's not really anywhere else for me to be. I've got time, and you look like you need to talk." I did. It was time. Over the next 2 hours I told her absolutely everything that had happened to me, leaving out the whole werewolf and vampire thing - those weren't my secrets to tell. But it felt good to finally be honest with someone about my emotions.

So for the first time I told someone the full story of my marriage to Edward. I tried to explain to her what happened with him but it was so hard to put it into words. It was like I'd been watching someone else live my life for the past 3 years, like I didn't have any say in what my body was doing. I was so obsessed with Edward, and so dependent on him, that I was unable to even realize when I had an opinion of my own, let alone express it.

The panic attacks began one year into our marriage. I was sitting on the plane when an overwhelming sense of dread suddenly filled my body. I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, all my muscles contracted and tightened, my throat seemed to close up. I was gasping for air and trying to beg for help but I didn't have enough oxygen in my system to speak. My mind began to turn grey and suddenly I was bone chillingly cold. Edward tried to hold my hand and calm me, speaking in soothing tones, but I didn't want him to touch me. At those times all I could think was how much I wanted Jacob there to warm me up. Jacob was the one person who could always truly make me feel safe.

Every time another panic attack hit, I lost a little more faith in Edward. He could not make them go away. And they became more frequent. Sometimes I would feel one coming on and I would just leave the house and run. I didn't care where, all I knew was that I needed to get away. I didn't know what I was running from; I just hoped that if I ran far enough I would feel okay. Edward would always come after me to make sure I was okay. I didn't know how to tell him that I didn't want him there, I wanted to be alone. He was suffocating me by always being there for me.

Looking back now, I think my body was trying to tell me that something was not right. Something was out of balance. It was like I had lost my core. Or perhaps I had never had a chance to develop one. My parents had split when I was so young and I had spent my childhood without a father, looking after my flighty mother. I never had a real childhood, and I had never had any sense of stability. By the time I moved to Forks with Charlie, I saw myself as an adult, I didn't give him the chance to be my dad, and he was more of an equal. Besides, as far as looking after people went, Charlie could barely feed himself let alone a teenager.

When I met Edward I felt like he could provide that stability I yearned for. I looked to him as the person I did not have to be an adult around. I could be a child around him, clingy, needy, and dependent - and he would fill every need I had without a word of complaint. He wanted me to need him. I wish my Charlie had been around to be that guy for me when I was growing up. Maybe then I would not have made the mistake of getting in so far over my head with Edward.

I think Edwards family were part of the equation too. They were the family I had always dreamed of having. Especially Alice, she became like the sister I never had. They were perfect. They loved each other, defended each other, and provided for each other. It wasn't until after the marriage that I began to truly see the politics that ran so deep in their family, drawing the lines of loyalty between them. They were just as divided as any other family, but they stayed together because alone they were more vulnerable. They shared a way of life, but they didn't share any DNA. And as a human I was never fully a part of their family, as much as they accepted and loved me.

The miscarriage was the last straw in shattering the fragile illusion of security I had built in my relationship with Edward. I had always thought he could protect me, but that proved that there were somethings that even supernatural strength could not protect me from. Things deteriorated quickly after that.

My last 3 months with Edward were the worst. There was a constant sense of dread in the pit of my stomach as I came closer to graduating from college and becoming a vampire. Everything in me revolted against the thought of willingly giving up my life. There were so many things I had yet to experience. And quite frankly, I liked the way my heart beat. I liked breathing. My panic attacks had made it clear to me just how important breathing is as a part of the human experience. And no matter how much hyperventilating during panic attacks scared me, the thought of never breathing again scared me more. It was like a vice around me, I could not escape the thought of death no matter how hard I ran. I think that was the core of my fear. The unspoken pressure from the family that it was drawing near time for me to change. It was when I truly realized how weak I had become. I did not feel I had any authority or legitimate power to say no to them. Deep down I did not want to become a vampire anymore, but to say no to them, to tell them I had changed my mind, to hurt them. I couldn't do it. I did not have the strength for it.

I did not feel that my opinions, wants, or needs were valued. I felt so indebted to them for paying for my college education. For all the times they had put up with the drama that me being human had brought into their lives, for the threat of the Volturi they had to deal with because of me. I felt guilty for the time that Edward had gone to the Volturi because he thought I was dead. I felt responsible for everyone's emotions - except my own.

The day I left Edward was the day I finally recognized that my needs matter. That I have a voice merely by virtue of being a human. And that I deserve to live. I made the choice that day to live. And I have never been happier about a decision. That is how I know that I will be okay. Because I was strong enough to choose life and to take the steps required to make it a possibility. No one can ever take that strength away from me.

Angela just listened quietly, nodding whenever I paused to encourage me to keep going. Once I was done she looked me in the eye and finally gave me her perspective.

"Bella. I am so proud of you for being strong enough to survive this long. You took an important step when you left Edward and you've given yourself the chance to rebuild your life from scratch no matter how painful it might be. I know things were complicated between us during high school and that you were always scared I could see through you or something - Jess told me. But I want you to know that if you need a friend, I'm always here for you. To be honest I've been needing a friend too - marriage can sometimes be difficult even if it's with a guy you are head over heels in love with and it would be nice to have a friend who can understand that." I let out a sigh of relief I hadn't even realised I had been holding.

It was the first time I had told someone every detail of my life and they had not judged me or rejected me. She simply accepted that I had made some choices in my life that I was finding hard to deal with, and was okay with being my friend in spite of that.

I nodded and smiled as our conversation moved on to lighter topics and she updated me on life in Forks. At least now I had one friend. It was a small step, but it was a start.


	4. The Unforgiveable

**A/N For those of you who have already read this story up to now, I'm significantly rewriting it hence the reposting everything - I didn't like it the way it was.  
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**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. **

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><p><strong>JPOV Flashback<br>**

There's a reason my pack barely speak to me anymore. A reason that even as an Alpha I'm only tolerated by my family. There are some choices which can never be taken back or repaired. I made one of those decisions and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

It's all Bella's fault really. She loved me, I know she did, but she chose Edward. And now I'll never be good enough for her again.

Word on the street is that I had imprinted on Bella the first time I kissed her. Not that I noticed the difference - my heart had always belonged to her, ever since we made mud pies together as children.

When I received The Wedding Invitation from Edward I was a wreck. And I don't mean in the pathetic, woe is me, curling up in bed crying all day style. I mean full blown, instinct driven, wolf style. I exploded into my wolf form and took off. All I knew was that my human heart had shattered like glass in an earthquake. It would never be whole again. There was nothing left for me in my human form. I had no intentions of ever returning to my life on the Rez.

So I ran. I ran until I hit the coastline and had nowhere else to go. My thoughts were so much simpler in wolf form. Base instincts ruled me. Hunger, thirst, sex, anger. I was always searching for the next adrenaline rush. My pack was always there at the back of my mind, begging me to come home, but I pushed them aside, silenced them. They were the only conscience I had left in this form, and I did not want them forcing me to remember I had once been human. After a few months in this state the only thing I remembered about Bella was how she looked, and how much she had hurt me. Or at least that was all I allowed myself to remember.

The anger was with me constantly, my only companion during that time. I remember the first time I saw a human who looked like Bella. The anger took over, blinding me to everything except that fragile piece of human meat who reminded me of unbearable pain. Reminded me of utter despair. Needed to be destroyed so they could not hurt me anymore. I couldn't think all I could do was feel. The anger built within me, filling every muscle in my body. The resentment I felt over a far off memory rushed through my veins, making me stronger.

I killed her. Tore her to pieces. Left her remains scattered in the middle of the town square.

Police said it was a wild animal attack. Perhaps they were right. I had become a wild animal. Untamable, unreachable, all traces of humanity gone.

My pack stopped trying to communicate with me after that. I felt them withdraw from my mind, felt the disapproval and pain from each of them as they witnessed my fall from humanity.

As soon as my mind returned from my anger fueled blood-lust and I realized what I had done, I finally fell apart. The emotions I had been running from caught up with me. I ran to another small town and phased back into human form, crying, unable to rid my mind of the images of what I had done. No matter how much Bella had hurt me, I had chosen to throw away my humanity entirely on my own. That had been my decision.

The girl was innocent. And I killed her.

I can't ever take back that action. I wish I could, every day.

I stayed in that small town for the next few months. I got a job with a construction company who asked no questions about my past. I took out my fury and pain on nails and wood. I tried to rebuild my heart as I built houses. But I was beyond repair.

So instead I tried to drown the emotions out. Even in human form I was out of control. I was drunk every night, the faces of the women who threw themselves at me all blurred together. I had no morals left; I didn't bother to say no to them. My conscience was broken. The man I had been raised to be was gone. That part of my life was over, and I could never go back. Every time I thought about going home I remembered the way my pack had retreated from my mind when I killed the brown haired girl. I could never face the depth of disappointment I had felt from them. They would never accept me again. I had done the unthinkable.

The pain was always with me. Always.

Eventually I got fired from the construction company for making too many mistakes. It wasn't a surprise considering that I was constantly hung-over at work. That was the final straw for me and I broke. I no longer had any desire to live. I took enough tranquilizers to kill an average human and phased back into wolf form just before they kicked in, hoping to finally get a peaceful sleep for the first time in months. All that my pack saw in my mind before I passed out were shattered, incoherent pieces. Pain, loneliness, regret, guilt, anger, hurt, despair. I had given up.

Then everything went black.

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><p><strong>Leah's POV Flashback<br>**

We all knew why Jake ran away. We understood why he fell apart. We were inside his mind when he killed that girl; we saw the fury and blinding pain that drove him. We understood. But the level of guilt and regret in his mind was too much for us to handle after that. We had to pull out of his mind simply to be able to get on with our own lives. We had tried everything we could to bring him home but we finally had to give up and realize that he would not come home until he was ready.

Life wasn't the same without him. He had always been the glue that held us all together. Without him we all just ended up fighting each other, all the time.

As his best friends Quil and Embry felt that they had failed him. They felt that they should have tried harder, gone with him when he took off. Seth had lost his role model and ended up wandering aimlessly. He didn't know what to do with himself, who he wanted to become, what he wanted to do with his life.

As for me, I was pissed. That leech-lover had really done a number on Jake.

We missed our brother. We had no idea where he was, only that he didn't want to talk to us. So we left him in peace.

Until the day Seth came rushing back to the reservation while on patrol, demanding that we all phase in. Jake was barely alive. The images I saw in his mind when I phased into wolf form that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. I've never seen anything so damaged. I wasn't sure that we would be able to piece Jake back together even if we did manage to get him back to La Push.

But he was our brother, and we loved him, we had to try everything we could. We ran to the other side of the country as quickly as we could. We had to carry him home. He was barely conscious, let alone able to walk.

As soon as he was fully awake we made him phase back into human form, put him to bed at Billy's place and kept a constant guard over him as he began to heal. Well his body anyway. We weren't certain his mind would ever heal.

He didn't speak for months. We tried everything we could. We were supportive, we talked to him, we made sure he was never alone for too long. But it didn't accomplish anything.

I finally lost it with him and started yelling.

"God Jake, you have GOT to pull yourself out of this self-pitying state. We've done everything we can to pull you back but you're too much of a WIMP to face life. You know what, fine, be that way. I'm done waiting for you to pull yourself together. You're on your own." I got the shock of my life when he actually replied to me.

"Leah, I can't face life. I can't live with myself." I have very little patience for self-pity. It actually sort of disgusts me.

"You know what, that's just you being selfish. We need you around here. Everything is falling apart without you, and quite frankly I'm worried about other members of the pack. I no longer have the time to worry about you. Seth is failing out of school because he's too tired to think straight - because of YOU. And Quil and Embry haven't spoken to each other since you left. Everything is out of balance, and only you can fix it. I think you owe us that much." I stormed out of the room. Did I ever mention I have a really volatile temper? Yeah. I do.

Something I said must have gotten through to him though, because the next morning he was out of bed and knocking on my door.

"I need help Leah. How do I fix this?" He looked at me through tear filled eyes, a look of such utter hopelessness on his face that my heart almost broke just looking at him. I wrapped my arms around him as he finally let himself cry over everything that had happened in the past 9 months.

It would be a long journey, but as broken and shattered as he was, that was the day Jake truly came back to us.

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><p><strong>Leah POV - Present<strong>

The day Nayeli arrived things began to change for the better. It was a few months after Jake started apathetically functioning again, and I'd never seen something jolt him out of his self-pitying state so quickly as the challenge Nayeli presented to his authority. I could tell from the minute I heard her mocking voice in Jake's head that she was going to be someone I liked a lot.

Over dinner it quickly became apparent that due to the growing vampire threat around the globe, Nayeli's tribe had sent her to visit potential allies, seeing a need for more intertribal cooperation to ensure everyone's safety. I could hear the thoughts going through my brother's heads, if the rest of her tribe were as gorgeous as her they had no problem with cooperating fully. Needless to say an agreement was soon reached.

It was Jake's actions as she went to leave that surprised us all though. After so long moping after Bella he finally showed some emotion other than anger and ran after Nayeli.

"Wait, why don't you stay here for a while, we'd love to get to know more about your tribe, and I think Leah could really use some female company." Typical of him to use me as an excuse. Nayeli however just laughed at him,

"Jacob, I'm not one of your groupies who you can manipulate into doing whatever you ask. I'm the Alpha of my own pack and I have responsibilities to them."

"Of course, I didn't mean it like that, I was just extending an invitation to..." She cut him off by laughing at him again and I could feel the tension rolling off him as he went back to his normal, angry state at the rejection.

"Don't worry, you'll see me often enough at intertribal events." She turned to leave, but not before winking at him over her shoulder.

And just like that, Jake had a new found purpose in life. Nothing drove a guy crazy like something he couldn't have.


	5. The impact of an imprint

**A/N Hope you all like this - thoughts? Opinions? Anything seem unrealistic? Let me know :)  
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**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize does not belong to me  
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><p><strong>Bella's POV - Present<br>**

I started my new job today, teaching at La Push Elementary school. It was the only teaching position open in Forks so I was grateful for the opportunity. Until a tall, well-built werewolf walked into my classroom at the end of the day as I was sitting at my desk grading assignments, waiting for the parents of the last few students to pick them up. I stood up, looking at him uncertainly.

"Jake?" He stared at me, frowning slightly, an unreadable expression in usually warm eyes. He didn't seem to hate me; it was more a combination of confusion and pain.

"I'm just here to pick up Emily's daughter, not to talk to you." Anger and hurt battled for dominance in reaction to his words. Three years and that's the greeting I get? I recognize that I broke his heart by choosing Edward but, the Jake I knew wasn't the kind of guy who would hold a grudge. With a sigh I realized that he must have loved me even more than I had realized in my selfish drive to become a vampire wife. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to apologize to him for hurting him. I wanted to tell him that I care for him so deeply that even through three years of marriage I thought about him every day.

I couldn't argue with him on my first day of school though, this wasn't the time or place to have the necessary conversation with him. So I just nodded.

"Um. Okay. Can we talk soon though?" He stared at me with eyes as dead as quicksand, and spoke in a flat tone that gave nothing away.

"I have nothing to say to you." In the past I would probably have begged him to talk to me, begged him to at least give me a chance to explain my side of the story. But the truth was that if he did not want to talk to me then that was his decision. I had vowed not to allow myself to need or depend on anyone again, and I would keep that promise to myself. I'd be okay whether or not Jake was part of my life. I was no longer responsible for his emotions, only my own. Or at least that was what I would keep telling myself. I would apologize, but whether or not he accepted it would be his own decision. I looked into his eyes and decided to be direct about it, in case this was the only chance he gave me to speak.

"Jake...I'm so sorry for the way I treated you before I left. I was so wrapped up in myself and my own problems that I didn't pay attention to how much I was hurting you in the process. You were my best friend, I should have been more sensitive to your pain. I hope you'll be able to forgive me someday." I thought I could see a flash of emotion in his eyes before they glazed over again.

"It's not enough. And it will never be enough. You can't apologize for something when you don't even realize the extent of the damage you did. I'm happy now, and my life is better without you in it. So just stay away from me." His words were cold and biting. There was not even a trace of the Jake I used to know in the bitter tone of his voice.

I'd promised myself when I left Edward that from now on I would only spend my emotional energy on people who truly enjoyed being around me, and whose lives I could enrich. I refuse to allow myself to enter any more friendships or relationships where I feel like a burden to the other person. If being around me would hurt Jake so much then I would let his friendship go. So instead of fighting him, I took a deep breath, looked directly into his guarded eyes, and nodded.

"Okay." With only a split second more eye contact, he spun and left the room. Part of me had expected Jake to still be hurting, but I had also hoped that he would at least give some indication that he still cared. As much as I was working on becoming strong and independent, his cold behavior towards me completely undid the fragile foothold on happiness I had gained. When he was safely out of earshot I let my head fall into my hands and cried for the friendship it seemed I would not be able to repair.

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><p><strong>Jacob's POV - Present<br>**

I lied to Bella when I said that I had nothing to say to her. The truth is I have so much to say that I have no idea where to start. All those feelings I thought I had dealt with in her absence come rushing to the surface every time I see her. Her apology nearly undid me completely. All I wanted was to take her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But I couldn't.

What she didn't know was that she had been my imprint. Had been, although now I was not so sure how true all the legends were. It seemed that they had missed some key details - like the impact of an Alpha to Alpha connection in overriding an imprint. And the fact that although other members of the tribe may not be able to fight an imprint, the connection that I have with Nayeli feels just as strong at the connection I had with Bella. It's as if there are 2 fighting sides of me, one that is constantly drawn to Bella, that would be anything for her, do anything for her, protect her from anything. But there is also the part of me that I have slowly rebuilt from scratch. The part that is deeply in love with Nayeli. It is as if when Bella married Edward she literally broke my heart into 2 pieces. Sliced the part of it that was imprinted on her off completely. I worked so hard to shut that part off that I managed to fall for someone else in spite of the constant pain I was in because of Bella's absence.

What Bella doesn't understand is how hard I have worked to pick up the pieces of my heart since I returned to La Push. When I first came home, remaining human every day was a battle. To actually experience the pain of my imprint choosing another man and make myself face it instead of going wolf and running from it was torture. My heart was literally tearing itself apart.

The worst part was the loneliness. Constant, life draining loneliness. The members of the pack who had not imprinted could not understand why losing her affected me so much. But the truth about imprinting is that it is not just about falling in love with someone. Your world reorients itself with them as the axis, and an instant they become an integral part of your being. It's like when they are not there, you are not whole. I have had to fight myself every day since she left to find ways to be a complete and healthy person without her in my life, and I am scared if I let her back in all that hard work will go to waste. It would be okay if I thought she would stick around. But I know that when I became a murderer, I destroyed any chance of a happily ever after with Bella. Her words from the day she discovered that I was a werewolf still haunt me.

_"It's not what you are, it's what you do! You've killed people Jake."_ The disappointment in her accusing glare was something I never want to face again. Yeah, she can deal with me being a werewolf, but she would never be able to forgive me for being a murderer. So it's in everyone's best interests for me to keep away from her. It's not like my pack wants me anywhere near her either. Especially Leah. In fact, if Leah saw Bella anywhere near me she would probably tear her to pieces. Literally.

"Jake get out of bed its time to go on patrol." Leah's loud annoying voice broke into my not-so-blissful reverie and I growled at her in reply

"Coming." I hated early morning patrols. But then again, it was better than lying in bed feeling the edges of my imprinted heart aching because Bella wasn't here.

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><p>Leah helped me a lot those first few months back at La Push. Her natural stubbornness turned out to be a useful trait. She would drag me out of bed in the morning if I tried to hide from the world. Yell at me anytime I succumbed to self-pity. Remind me that there were other people in the world besides me who had broken hearts. And anytime I tried to make her give up on me she would become an immoveable rock. It was easier to comply with her demands to live my life to the fullest than to convince her to let me give up.<p>

It got easier over time. Eventually I was able to smile again, to laugh again. I took a local community college course in carpentry since I had always enjoyed working with wood. My relationships with my pack were harder to fix than damaged pieces of wood, but over time I began to regain their trust. Other than Leah they all stayed a safe distance from me, afraid that I would snap at any time. They were scared of being in the way when I lost my temper. Quil and Embry were the hardest relationships to rebuild. They had always been my closest friends, and therefore they were the ones who had experienced the most pain at my departure and subsequent behavior.

"Hey, do you guy wanna have a beach bonfire party tonight?" I'd asked Quil, assuming that as my lighthearted best friend he would agree enthusiastically. When he refused I'd been shocked. Embry was also hanging out with him.

"With you? No. You can't just wander back into our lives and pick up where you left off. You should have talked to us about Bella instead of going off the rails like you did. I mean, we get it, you lost control. But it's like our friendship meant nothing to you - you didn't even ask us to go with you, just shut us out for months man." I'd never seen Quil so livid. Embry just raised his eyebrows and shrugged in agreement

"I'm sorry. I screwed up. Don't you think I know that?" Quil just shook his head in disgust and walked away without replying, Embry following behind him.

I'd hurt them. Gaining their respect back was a long process. But when I asked Quil and Embry to start up a furniture store with me they cautiously agreed. It took off quicker than we had expected, and as the business grew, their trust in me followed suit. We were thick as thieves again now, but it had been a long journey.

Nayeli was the final key in my healing process, giving me something to strive for, something to hope for. Although she had also put me through hell before allowing me to get close to her.

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><p><strong>JPOV - Flashback<strong>

_"Hey Jakey-boy, guess who's back in town."_ The annoying she-wolf that Leah could be sent images of Nayeli arriving at Sam's place coursing through my mind. Damnit, the Alpha-girl was back. She was so insufferably confident and full of herself, and had left me unable to stop thinking about her after the last time she blew through town.

We had an inter-tribal dance tonight to encourage us all to get to know each-other better so we would be more driven to cooperate in the event of a battle. I wanted nothing more than to invite Nayeli to be my date, if only so I would get the chance to kiss her until she was begging me for mercy. It was unbelievably annoying to have a girl thinking she had just as much power as me. I couldn't allow that state of affairs to continue.

My shattered, imprinted heart was screaming that my thoughts were a betrayal of Bella, but the truth was I had spent so much time fighting the imprint that I was now used to the pain. I simply yelled at my heart to shut up and let me have some fun. That's all I wanted, fun. So in direct rebellion against my imprint, I sent an alpha message to Nayeli, complete with images of me looking particularly hot and charmingly asking her to dance.

"_You, me, dance tonight?" _It was as if she never took anything I said seriously, just smiled in reply.

_"I don't think so Jacob, I can't be seen as preferring the members of any one tribe above the others."_ She had just turned me down. Not gonna lie, it only made me want her even more.

_"Anything I can do to make you change your mind?" _Through our alpha-connection I could feel her resolve start to wilt slightly, catching a wave of loneliness emanating from her. Being in a position of leadership could be lonely, perhaps she was not as untouchable as she wanted me to think. Nevertheless when her reply came it was as confident as ever.

_"You can have one dance if you like." _I'd take what I could get. She intrigued me. I had the feeling there was more to her than just ravishing good looks and a sense of humor. And even though I was irrevocably imprinted on the soul destroying Bella, part of me began to realize that there were different ways to love someone. Since my imprint had chosen someone else, the connection between us was weaker and I was able to fight it over time. It seemed that the part the legends had left out was what happened if your imprint rejected you and you didn't die. It had focused on those who had killed themselves from the pain.

If Bella did not want me to be anything to her, then I was free to love someone else with the remains of my heart.

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><p><strong>JPOV - Present<strong>

Essentially I discovered that it is definitely possible to rebuild a life from utter ruins. Repeating that experience though? Definitely not on my bucket list. So the less interaction I have with Bella, the better. I'm healthier without her. The only reason I'm still drawn to her is that stupid imprint. That's not love, that's slavery, and I will fight it will every fiber of my being. Nayeli is so much healthier for me, she makes me genuinely happy.


	6. Torn

**A/N Sorry its taken me so long to update! Gotta love the life of a college student...Madness! Hopefully all the pieces of this story are making sense...any suggestions or critique's? Please let me know! :) Thanks for all the reviews and alerts so far! **

**Disclaimer: Anything familiar is still not owned by me. This is purely for fun.  
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><p><strong>Leah's POV - Flashback<strong>

I can still remember all the nights Jake would call me in tears during the months after he returned to Forks, before he met Nayeli

"Leah, its Jake... Are you free to talk?" Of course it was Jake, who else would be crazy enough to wake a wolf girl from a peaceful sleep at 2am.

"Yeah Jake I'm here. What's up?"

"Remind me again why I can't just drink myself into a stupor to forget about her?" I didn't need to ask who "her" was.

"Because you've done self destructive for long enough to realize that it's not going to make you feel any better, so you may as well try making healthy choices instead, even if it is harder."

"Fine. It's 2am. I can't sleep because of this stupid imprint tearing me to pieces. What are my healthy options?" Really though, when it comes to emotions guys are so much weaker than girls.

"Go for a run to tire yourself out, and then you can come crash with me. Although if you try anything I will phase and fight you." I was dead serious. I had no patience for the arrogant pack boys trying to pull moves on me. They could do that to any other girl around town but since I had a direct line to their filthy little minds I would never fall for it. Jake laughed suggestively in response to my comment and I rolled my eyes.

"And here I was thinking that was an invitation..." Only in his dreams. And probably not even there.

"Sod off Jake. If you want my help you play by my rules." He immediately sobered up.

"Calm down Leah I was just joking you know I'm not into you like that. It's just too much fun to make you mad." It's irritating how impossible it is to stay annoyed at Jake sometimes, even when I would love to just yell at him. He has a heart of gold underneath all the damage that leech girl did to him, and although he tries to hide it I know he truly cares about everyone in the pack, including me.

So instead I settled for shaking my head silently and cracking half a smile to myself.

"I'll see you soon Jake." Truth be told he had been there for me through all the Emily and Sam drama and I owed him for that. It's not like there was anything between us other than friendship, but sometimes it was just nice not to sleep alone. Nothing would ever happen we both just needed companionship and comfort. He was the only person I would ever allow to see my vulnerable side. And he only got to see it because he was even more messed up than me.

All the late night chats did lead us to develop an extremely strong friendship though. I would do anything for Jake and I know he would do the same for me.

I was actually relieved when Nayeli arrived and took over from me having to help Jake deal with the pain all the time. It took a lot of the pressure off me.

With her help we had finally got Jake back to his normal happy self, between our pack being there to keep him busy, and Nayeli being the new love of his life, we thought he had finally found a way to move on. Thoughts of Bella had been much less frequent. Then Bella had to come waltzing back all apologetic and pretending to regret the way she treated him.

The problem was that Jake seemed to believe her. I don't understand what it is about that girl that he loves so much. Last time I checked she was just a whiny, needy, vampire girl who broke his heart and shattered his soul after leading him on for ages.

Bitch.

Regardless of her true reasons for coming back, Jake has resumed obsessing over her. One second he hates her just as much as the rest of us do, the next second he misses her unbearably. He'll be thinking perfectly rationally then something will remind him of her and he suddenly can't form a coherent thought.

His saving grace is his stubborn pride and refusal to allow her to bruise his ego any more than she already has. I'm encouraging him to hold on to his dignity every time I get the chance. Well that and his fear that she would reject him again once she finds out that he murdered someone.

Nayeli doesn't let Jake see how much it is tearing her to pieces to have his thoughts constantly diverted. She knew when she started spending time with him that he had an imprint, but was under the impression that Bella had already become a vampire and would never be part of Jacob's life again. That was the only reason she allowed herself to fall for him.

_"Leah, I think I'm losing him. He barely thinks about me anymore, even when I'm with him his thoughts are all full of her. He thinks he's blocking me from seeing them but I know the look in a man's eyes when they are picturing another woman." _Nayeli and I had become close quickly, bonding over being the only girls in a male dominated tribal hierarchy.

_"Nayeli you can't let him go this easily - you need to fight for him. She might be his imprint but she caused so much damage to him that I strong suspect she may have actually broken the imprint. How else would he have been able to fall for you? He's just all confused by her return out of habit. Give him time to work this through." _She took a deep, shuddering breath.

_"I don't know what my options are anymore. If I try to hold on to him when he is so clearly attracted to her he's just going to end up feeling suffocated. But if I let him go he'll probably just go running straight back to her."_ I could hear the heartbreak in her voice and wished I could console her, but the truth was I knew how it felt to lose someone to their imprint and I had no idea how to fight it.

_"If he truly loves you as much as I think he does, then he should realize it eventually, it will just take time."_ It was all I could offer her at this point.

_"I can't lose him Leah. But I've seen his mind, I know how hard it is to fight an imprint. And I know how much she broke him when she left."_

_"We're all on your side Nayeli. Bella is not good for him. At all. You are the one person who completely understands and accepts him. You're the only person who he's completely opened up to about everything he went through when she left him. Jake loves you, and it's not something he will be able to throw away lightly."_

_"I know. But it's hurting me too much I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I need to let him go, maybe go back home, see if he even misses me. I'm just not sure anymore."  
><em>

_"Don't give up and run away Nay. Tell him you need space if you need to, but stay in town, he needs to still see you around so he remembers what he's missing out on. I have a spare room and I've been needing a roommate anyway...what do you say?"_

_"Leah you're amazing! And yes. That sounds great!" _It was nice to hear some hope in Nayeli's voice again. But I was seriously going to kill Jake if he hurt her. 

_"I'm here if you need anything Nayeli." _I'm firmly on Nay's side. She's the best thing that ever happened to Jake and she's good for him in all the ways that Bella wasn't. She accepts him unconditionally. I know from his thoughts that Jake is afraid that Bella wouldn't be able to deal with finding out that he murdered someone. He's actually been more worried about that than about hurting Nayeli. Ugh. Males.

Truth is I think Bella would probably understand about the murder, girls are a lot more forgiving than men realize. But since I hate the way she treated him, I'm never going to let him see that thought cross my mind. As Jake's beta I gave an order to the rest of the pack to make sure that if anyone asks how Jake feels about Bella's return the only answer they receive is that Jake got over her a long time ago and is indifferent, that he's moved on and has a hot new girlfriend who he loves deeply. Hopefully word will get around and reach Bella. Maybe if she thinks he's over her she'll leave him in peace.

Personally I think her big independent leaving her vampire husband story is all an act. She's too spineless to do something like that. It's much more likely that he got bored with her whining and left her - Jake had always been her fallback guy whenever Edward hurt her and there's no evidence to suggest anything has changed.

As much as not being with her is hurting him, I can't afford to let him get his heart broken yet again. This time we might not be able to fix him. She needs to stay away.

I'm contemplating my options. Maybe I could tell Bella about the murder myself. Or maybe I could just tell her about Nayeli. Either way she would hopefully be furious that she had to find out from someone other than Jake and never speak to him again.

Jake would hate me for it, forever, but at least he would be free from the threat of another failed pursuit of his whiny little imprint.

I'm still gauging the situation. Since they aren't on speaking terms I'm just cautious and on edge, but the minute she starts to break through Jake's defenses again I will step in. For his own sake, and for Nayeli. She deserves more.

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><p><strong>Next chapter: Nayeli's POV...she knows Jake better than anyone else what insights might she have to offer. Reviews make me update faster! :D<strong>


	7. Progress

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters - if only...**

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><p><strong>Nayeli's POV<strong>

Okay so here's the thing, I know that Jake never fully got over Bella. I'm a girl, we can sense these things. It's in the way his gaze sometimes becomes so distant when he sees something that reminds him of her, in the way he sometimes falls silent and won't tell me what he's thinking about. But he had also accepted the inevitable fact that she would never be his, and made a conscious decision to let go of the future he had previously imagined with her. I made sure of that before I let myself fall for him. We had a chat about it at the inter-tribal dance.

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><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

I was dancing with Zach, one of the guys from my pack when Jacob tapped him on the shoulder and asked to cut in. Since Jacob was at least 3 inches taller than him and out-ranked him in every way, Zach nodded and handed me over immediately. I thought about protesting – I wanted some say in the matter – but somehow it felt good to have Jake's arms wrapped around me, secure, safe. The bonfire cast light gently around us, the sounds of the forest blending in with the music to make me feel perfectly safe and at home.

When the song ended he took my hand and led me to sit on a log by the bonfire with him, roasting marshmallows. Smores should be their own food group. Enough said. I'm a pretty direct person. I won't lie; I am used to getting my own way. It goes with the territory of being the oldest in the family and being the alpha of the pack. So I tend to tackle things head on.

"Okay. Spill. Everyone says you've got an imprint." Everyone around me had been buzzing about it all night – I was the first girl Jake had shown any interest in since Bella chose that leech Edward, she was his imprint, he must feel like he was cheating on her by spending time with me. The gossip mills were running on overdrive.

"Yeah." He scratched at the ground with a stick, frowning at the thought of her. His answer was completely unsatisfactory though. I needed some answers if I was gonna let myself fall for this guy. Although part of me was pretty sure I was falling too fast to stop myself anyway. Not that I would let him see it. Instead I kept pressing for an honest response from him.

"You're acting like you're interested in me…how is that even possible if you have an imprint? You shouldn't be able to be into anyone except her." He just grinned at me.

"And this coming from the girl who's been acting like I didn't stand a chance." I shrugged and smiled back at him. I was the alpha of my own pack; it wasn't like I was starved for attention. There were plenty of guys who would kill to get a chance to date me; I didn't need one more on my list. I would be fine regardless of how Jake felt about me.

"Don't let it go to your head, I'm not interested in you, I'm just curious about the way you're behaving." Lies. Blatant lies. But hopefully he wouldn't see through them. It did get his attention though; he turned his head to look me directly in the eyes, his face moving closer so that he was only a few inches away from me.

"Not interested huh? So your heart always beats this fast? And that would be sunburn making its way up your face, not you blushing by any means." He actually stuck out his tongue at me. It's like he's mischief personified. He's so gorgeous. I looked down; trying to avoid his eyes, but all I could see was how strong and well-toned his arms were. I elbowed him to diffuse the tension, hard.

"Just answer my question." Seriously, what is it about Jake that makes it so hard for me to keep my cool? I mean other than his obvious physical perfection of course. He looked me in the eye and finally gave me the answer I wanted.

"Yeah, I have an imprint. Her name is Bella. And she chose to marry a blood-sucking leech instead of choosing me. It was a while ago. And I think the reason I'm able to feel so strongly attracted to you may be because she broke my heart so badly that she actually damaged the imprint. It may also be an Alpha thing – I have to continue the Alpha bloodline so maybe part of that is that if the imprint is not going to be an option I'm programmed to be able to find someone else. I'm not sure. It's just speculation. Either way, Bella made a clear choice and it's been a couple of years since she left – I made a conscious decision to let her go and move on with my life. Even if she came back begging me to get back together with her now, I would say no. No matter what." I nodded slowly as I processed his response.

"Okay." He shot me a quizzical glance and replied,

"Okay, what?"

"Okay that's a satisfactory answer." I grinned at him and jumped up, waltzing over to one of the other guys in my pack, tossing Jake only a quick over the shoulder smile as I walked away.

That answer did tell me what I needed to know though, and it started the foundation of trust that we build our relationship on. I knew he would always have feelings for her, but he had chosen to move on. That was what matter. That's the only reason I agreed to date him. And until she came back, that had been enough. Now, I wasn't so sure.

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><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

My favorite thing about Nayeli was her unshakeable confidence. She knew I had a past, but it never seemed to bother her, she just accepted me as I was and assumed I was into her. Which made her that much more irresistible. To me, and to every other man she encountered. I couldn't walk down the street without some random guy trying to make a move on her, even right in front of me. It made me feel awesome to be the one she was giving her attention to. Not to mention that she was absolutely beautiful.

After that one conversation at the inter-tribal dance about Bella, she never brought her up again, never questioned it when I withdrew sometimes, she allowed me to be completely myself and did not try to change me. It allowed me to be completely honest with her in regards to everything we did discuss. Although my pack had a direct line into my thoughts, Nayeli was the one who had access to the thoughts I only allowed myself to open up when I was in human form. She was the one I shared with about my hopes and dreams for the future, where I saw the future of our tribe heading. She came from such a similar background to me, and as the alpha of her own pack, she understood the responsibilities that went alongside my position. Things with her were just so comfortable.

But the truth was that there was still a significant chunk of my heart that felt like I was cheating on Bella. There would always be a part of me that still loved her. There would always be a piece of me that was imprinted on Bella, and as much as I tried to convince myself it was broken, the truth was that it was more like a piece of string, frayed down to its last thread, but stubbornly resistant to being completely destroyed. I had done everything to break that connection, but it was still there, and it would probably always be there.

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I walked into the staff room at the school today to the sound of silence as everyone realized I was the one who had just entered. They had been talking about me, and I assumed it was something to do with Jake. I sat down and tried to make conversation, but of course all they wanted to talk about was him. So much for trying not to think about him. Questions came at me from all sides as all the female teachers my age surrounded me. I was the only teacher who was not part of the tribe so I was a novelty at their school to begin with, but my history as the girl Jake had loved was fascinating to them.

"Do you miss Jake?" "Are you here to try to win him back?" "How do you feel about Jake having a girlfriend who isn't you?" Their questions spun around me. I tried to answer the first couple by just shaking my head and asserting that I was only here to get my own life back on track, that it wasn't anything to do with Jake. But when someone mentioned that he had a girlfriend I felt the room start to turn in circles, my mind started to grey over and I felt queasy. I took deep breaths to settle myself. I had coped this long without Jake, I could continue to survive. And I still was not strong enough to have in him my life again anyway. I had to follow through on my plan to learn to stand on my own feet before I could let myself even consider trying to talk to Jake again.

That conversation was what triggered my first panic attack since I had returned to Forks though. It pushed my already frayed nerves to their limit. I managed to drive halfway home before I found myself struggling to breathe, hyperventilating and unable to drive any further without crashing. I pulled over and got out of the car to sit on the edge of the narrow, curving road, gasping for air. It was all too much. I had known at the back of my mind that Jake had probably moved on, but hearing it spoken out loud made it real. Although I had always told myself I was not going to let myself depend on a man anymore, part of me thought that when I really needed him, Jake would just turn up like he always had in the past.

As I sat on the edge of the road for the next half hour calming myself and no Jake appeared to rescue me though, I finally let go of the hope that he would welcome me back with open arms. I had pushed Jake too far, it was completely selfish of me to hope that he would just come running to reassert our relationship now that I was back in Forks. I should just be happy for him, he had moved on. Good for him.

Eventually I did hear someone honking at me as they pulled over to check that I was okay. It was Seth.

"Need a ride Bella?" He had grown up so much since the last time I saw him. He was taller than me by quite a bit now, and he had filled out. He reminded me in some ways of how Jake used to be, before everything had gone haywire. The panic attack had left me shaking and weak, I could come back to get my car later. For now talking to someone actually sounded kinda great.

"Yeah." I climbed in the passenger seat and clicked in my seatbelt. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, the silence was suddenly tense and oppressive.

"You okay?" He looked at me and for a minute it felt like he could see straight into my mind, that he could understand the turmoil I was in. The compassion in his eyes nearly undid me completely.

"I just found out that Jake has a girlfriend, it kinda shook me up. Stupid I know, I should have realised he would have moved on." Seth turned back to the road and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, he has moved on. But it wasn't easy for him. He really did love you Bella." I looked over to see him grimace.

"I loved him too. I just realized it too late. I'm not here to cause any trouble though Seth, honestly. I'm just tryna get my life back on track, trying to finally learn how to be strong and stand on my own feet instead of depending on other people to keep me emotionally healthy."

"That's good. You really were a mess before. I mean don't get me wrong, we all loved you to pieces, but we didn't think you were healthy for Jake with the state you were in - he needed someone who was strong enough to guide the pack with him, not someone who he had to keep rescuing. And I think he's found that in Nayeli, his new girl." I had come to realise the truth of this statement myself, but to hear that everyone else had been thinking it about me still stung. Especially coming from Seth who I had always been close to.I had to ask the question I was scared to know the answer to though,

"Is he happy?" Seth paused for a while before he answered, looking out at the road as if he was thinking hard about his response. When he did reply it was slow and uncertain.

"Yeah...I think he is."

"Well that's good for him." I couldn't keep the slight undercurrent of bitterness and pain out of my voice. Seth smiled at me in understanding, then asked,

"Bella why did you really leave Edward?" I sighed, I had known this question would come up soon enough.

"It wasn't a healthy marriage. I had a miscarriage early on and Edward got really overprotective and controlling. I lost my identity. I left him because I needed to completely rebuild myself from the ground up, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I stayed with him." Seth nodded and sized me up as if decided how much to tell me in response to my admission.

"Damn. Okay. Bella I'm gonna tell you some things you're gonna need to understand if you're gonna stick around here. Even if Jake didn't have a girlfriend, he wouldn't have just jumped back into a relationship with you. You would have had to prove that you had changed before he would be able to trust you with his heart again. You would have had to gain his trust back slowly over time. You broke his heart when you chose Edward and not in a way that was easily repairable. He's never going to let himself solely act on his feelings again. I just think you should know that." I got the feeling Seth knew a lot more about how deep my feelings for Jake went than I was telling him. I wasn't sure how, but I didn't want him running back to Jake and telling him I was still hung up on him. I had too much pride for that to happen.

"I'm not here to try to get back together with Jake. I promise I don't want to make his life any harder than I have already made it. I do miss his friendship a lot though. I think I always will. And he'll never know how much I regret choosing Edward over him." I stared out the window as I spoke, not wanting Seth to see the tears pooling in my eyes involuntarily.

"Well. Its good that you realize it now. And Bella, I have a lot of respect for you for choosing to leave Edward. And for not trying to throw yourself at Jake constantly now that you're back. Look...I get the feeling you're gonna be finding things tough for a while. If you ever need a friend to talk to I'll be here for you, k."

"Thanks." I smiled, and for the first time in as long as I could remember, it was genuine.


End file.
